In June, I was diagnosed with macular degeneration. After the initial shock wore off, you know you are vain when one of my first thoughts was, “If I go blind, who will pluck my mustache?”

I think Vincent and I are in some denial. He says I will not go blind. I think, “O’, surely it will not get a lot worse.” Until my next appointment with a specialist, I can live in this state.

In the meantime, I war with my eyes, trying to focus or blink or eye-drop my way out of the blurriness. It is a relief when I close my eyes or, for some reason, when I wear sunglasses. I have fallen a couple of times because I cannot easily see steps.

This is hard, and I expect it to get harder. The difficulty of it is the very thing that makes it so valuable. As Mike Crawford’s song says, “Blessed are the blind (hungry, weak, bruised…) ‘cuz that’s when you will eat of the bread that matters most.” And that is why I can say with Paul, “Rejoice! He is near.”

I want easy. God has given me something better.

Thelma was walking barefooted along the side of the gravel road, headed home…

Lost.

No way out.

The end of the rope.

But God.

“The Son of Man has come to seek and save that which was lost.”

Luke 19:10

Lord, make me an instrument of your peace;

Where there is hatred, let me sow love;

Where there is injury, pardon;

Where there is despair, hope;

Where there is darkness, light;

And where there is sadness, joy.

Saint Francis of Assisi

The Spirit of the Lord is on me, because he has anointed me to preach good news to the poor. He has sent me to proclaim release to the captives and recovery of sight to the blind, to set free the oppressed, to proclaim the year of the Lord’s favor. Today this Scripture has been fulfilled in your hearing… Luke 4:18-21

These words of Jesus’ sent shock waves through the temple. He was telling them that He was the One they had been waiting for, the long-awaited Messiah.

Jesus Christ has burst forth from the grave!

Alleluia! Alleluia!

Last night, I looked out of my kitchen window shortly after Passover had begun at sundown. There it was ~ The Passover Full Moon. It was a cold, clear night; you can see the moonlight reflected off the snow on the forest floor. What you cannot see ~ which seems appropriate~ is the large cross standing in the shadows.

On the night of our Lord’s Last Supper with his disciples, the cross was looming. But first, this. He said, “I have eagerly desired to eat this Passover with you before I suffer.” (Luke 22:15) Bread. Wine. Body. Blood.

The young woman beamed as she handed each boy a dollar bill. The two children, both physically and mentally challenged, eagerly stuffed their bills into the slot of the Salvation Army kettle as my husband and I stood nearby ringing our bells. We were watching joy unfold close at hand.

This wonder was surpassed only when a very old couple ~ he with missing teeth and a limp, she bent over with age, each fished in their pockets until they found loose change which they fed into the kettle’s slot.

The widow’s mite.

We witnessed these acts of worship while we added our own, shouting out, “Merry Christmas!” to hundreds of people and adding, “Thank you. God bless you,” each time someone made the kettle sing.

We sang. The kettle sang. The givers sang. Heaven sang,

“Joy to the world, the Lord is come!”

“I have seen the Lord!”

Mary Magdalene

He is risen!

Better than waking up on Christmas morning is this: waking to glorious snow-wrapped trees and earth blanketed in wet, white skirt. And, there’s more (!): a fresh bag of espresso beans which gives me this perfect cup with steam swirling up to kiss my face.

Abundance midway through Lent.

And God is able to bless you abundantly. II Corinthians 9:8

My jaw dropped when I opened the shade this morning…

If I had been walking when I heard it, I would have stopped in my tracks.

“As Jesus breathed his last the veil in the temple was torn in two from top to bottom. A barrier has been broken, a gate has been opened. We are through at last!” (Malcolm Guite)

The world is dark. Early this morning from my kitchen window, I watched the sun rise over the cross with bright, white light breaking through the Ponderosas - no rose hues this morning - and I thought, “Darkness is not the Lord’s realm. All is light.”

The sunrise is a beautiful picture but an incomplete one. On this day, beneath the sunrise and on the ground - where we live - is a parched forest floor. The struggle is multi-faceted - environmental, political, biological and relational. Did I mention spiritual struggle?

Then, these lines from Wendell Berry reminded me to…

Be joyful though you have considered all the facts…

Practice resurrection.

I resolve to drink in every drop of joy, beauty and delight today though I know what lies beyond my forest dwelling. I do not want to miss a thing that the “Lord of light” sends my way.

The light shines in the darkness, and the

darkness has not overcome it.

John 1:5

O holy night, the stars are brightly shining

It is the night of our dear Savior’s birth.

Long lay the world in sin and error pining

‘Til he appeared, and the soul felt its worth

A thrill of hope, the weary world rejoices.

For yonder breaks a new and glorious morn…

Adolphe Adam, 1847

Your anger is justified, but your hatred is not. If you hate them, you will become like them, and maybe worse than them, no matter how many things you get straight in your mind. Michael O’Brien

Father, we ask for…

the oil of joy

instead of mourning,

and a garment of praise

instead of a spirit of despair. (Isaiah 61:3)

This chapter of life brings unexpected gifts. And freedom. In terms of physical appearance, I am embracing my age to some extent with my new gray-ish hair. It is okay for me to die whenever God chooses; I neither dread nor fear it. Lastly, the world’s disapproval of my faith matters not to me.

If I experience this degree of freedom while still broken in a broken world, I cannot imagine how it will be when I break through the last door to eternal life and am raised by Him. The best is yet to be.

Death has been swallowed up in victory. Where, O death, is your victory? Where, O death, is your sting?” ( I Corinthians 15:55) The answer to that question is that death has no victory. The last enemy has been defeated. Dear friend, the signs of life, death, burial and resurrection are everywhere for the world to see. They are signs from a living God that He loves you, that death does not have the last word, that there’s more. We can trust Him in our lives, and we can trust Him in our deaths. He is risen, and that changes everything!